6/19 Sunday or 6/20 Monday
Hi Friends! I apologize for the delay in posting an entry. Last week, I impulsively said “Yes” to something without researching the implications of the decision. This set me in high anxiety/panic mode. Feminine matters did not help the situation either. My anxiety was so high that I could not shake the matter from my mind. Thankfully, the anxiety has decreased since then.
Two days later, and the anxiety is still high. Any decrease in my anxiety level did not last very long. I hope that typing out the situation will help settle some of my anxiety. CAUTION: Honesty ahead!
I have worked at my current job for a year now. As many individuals with advanced degrees, I am immensely overqualified for my position. I studied Psychology in college, and most of my experience is with the AS population. My goal is to help other females with AS who may be experiencing some of the things I struggled with, especially during adolescence. Through my job search, I have quickly learned that one cannot advance in a career working with individuals with ASDs without some kind of certification. Without such credentials, my job hunt has been a struggle. I am crippled by a fear of messing up, which has prevented me from consistently searching and applying for jobs. When I find a job that fits my qualifications, my excitement quickly drops to sadness as I read the job description and feel extremely inadequate for the position.
Nevertheless, I found two jobs online that involve working with individuals with disabilities. Job A, an hour from home, focuses on individuals with various disabilities, while Job B, about ten minutes from home, focuses on the ASD population. I REALLY want Job B. I interviewed with Job A on Friday (6/10) and heard back the following week. I then interviewed with Job B the following Monday (6/13), and should hear back by the end of this week.
Ok, now for the dilemma. Thanks to my impulsive tendencies, I accepted the position at Job A. Job A called twice in the same day, first to clarify an item on my application, and second to offer me the position. No, I did not consider their medical insurance policy (my ADHD meds are too expensive without insurance). Looking back, I most likely accepted because I was afraid of losing the job opportunity. I do not want to work at my current job for the rest of my life! Also, I am awful with important phone calls, and did not think (in that moment) to ask for some time to consider my choice before accepting the position. Looking back, I had enough time between the two calls to consider the implications of accepting the position. So what did I do instead? Basically anything but that! I was probably reading a book. On the plus side, I did ask for a few days to determine a start date, giving me an additional two days to do the smart thing. I called my grandmother in a bit of a panic after I verbally accepted the position. I explained the situation to her and came up with a conclusion after talking out the dilemma. I was ready to confirm a start date when Job A called later that day.
It has been about a week since this took place. Both my mom and grandmother suggested that I call Job B and ask when they will be making their hiring decision because I have been offered another position but am very interested in working for them and would like to wait before making my decision. As I mentioned earlier, I am awful with important phone conversations, and am terrified of messing things up with Job B, the one I REALLY want.
When my anxiety is high, I shut down emotionally and mentally. I have been retreating to my stress relievers, but my anxiety and worry is so high that I cannot focus enough to enjoy the things I love to do! I watched a few episodes of my favorite show and could not truly enjoy it. I am waiting for a day or two to see if Job B will contact me soon, but I know I need to make that phone call..
More on the situation as it unfolds..